Following are ten questions that are often successful initiators of a strong beginning, along with some explanations and examples.As you go through them, explore what your own reactions and answers would be were you to be on the other end of someone who is looking for the same kind of genuine intimacy.
Depending on how deeply entrenched those preferences are, either partner may use a number of behaviors to get the other person to see it his or her way.
Question Number Three – “If your partner asks you for something you can’t or don’t want to give, do you blame him or her for wanting it from you?
” Too often in my office I hear, “I can’t tell him that.
He’d never open up to me again.” Or, “She’s way too sensitive to what I have to say. I always end up saying what she wants to hear.” New lovers generally intuit what the other wants.
Sometimes, both partners harden in their righteousness and only return when they can no longer bear being apart.
Without resolution, there have been no lessons learned and the pattern is too likely to happen again.
People who tend towards thinking they should automatically provide whatever their partners wants can feel that they are not measuring up if they can’t, or may not want, to provide it.
To feel less guilty, they often are upset they are put in that position at all and blame their partners for wanting it in the first place.
If you both are interested in knowing what you can expect from each other in an intimate, long-term relationship, you should be readily willing to be just as open in return.
Being willing to be as honest as you are able will give you the best chance of creating a heads-up as to what your chances of success are down the line.
When confronted with too much frustration or threat, some people retreat to their corners to lick their emotional wounds, waiting for the other to come forth and apologize, or, at least, a peace offering of some kind.